John : Immortal Engineer

[CLASSIFIED DOSSIER: SUBJECT JOHN]Status: Immortal.Origins: Mesopotamia, 3000 BCE.Methodology: Detecting "Preventable Stupidity" before it reaches a critical threshold.For five thousand years, John has watched humans build revolutionary tools, only to paralyze them with bureaucracy and ego. He tried to warn them about the grain rot in Sumeria. He tried to fix the aqueducts in Rome. He was called a madman, a sorcerer, and a heretic.He was right every single time.In 1945, the United States government finally ran the numbers. They realized that when John provides a fix, the success rate is 100%. When they ignore him, things explode.Now, John is the most expensive consultant in history. His price? A decent pastrami sandwich, a pet penguin, and a seat on the Apollo 11 moon landing.From correcting the math of the Manhattan Project to secretly installing a sarcastic, self-healing symbolic AI in the root of the ARPANET, John is the invisible hand keeping the world from electrocuting itself. He doesn’t fix human nature—he just builds the playpen so the toddlers can't burn the house down.The full 5,000-year post-mortem is now declassified.“I’ve been watching you make the same mistakes for five millennia. I'm not a hero. I'm just a tenant who is tired of the neighbors starting grease fires in the kitchen.” — John